If You Drink A Lot of Booze, You’re Supersmart According to Studies

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According to two recent longitudinal experiments, the National Child Development Study and the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, it has been revealed that “smarter” individuals tend to consume alcohol “more frequently and in greater quantities” than those counter-parts who are deemed “less intelligent”.

Both studies initially rated participants on a scale of “very dull” to “very bright” (rocket science, we know) and checked in on each subject at age 20, and 40. The resulting data stated that the children deemed “very bright” were much heavier drinkers than those in the “dull” category.

One can assume that these “brighter” heavier drinkers are more social in nature and thus have built a repertoire of connections to bring them further into the world than their “duller” counterparts, but unfortunately the study does not delve into sociological theories.

College students: If you’re reading this temper your expectations of grandeur; not everyone can be crouching tiger drunken einstein.